The past comes back to haunt
by Amberino xoxo
Summary: Rose leaves after Last Sacrifice when Lissa says something that challenges everything she's ever wanted. Two years later, Lissa, Dimitri and Christian find Rose in the most unexpected places. What will happen when they meet and what's happened to Rose?
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys! Well this is a story about how Dimitri, Lissa and Christian meet Rose for the first time in two years. They have not had any contact and have not heard from Rose at all. They had no idea where she was. What happens when they find Rose in the most unexpected place? Read and find out! :D**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters (Dimitri included – although if he was available to buy, I'd buy him!) **__**!**__**belong to the fantastic Richelle Mead!**_

_**Now seriously, READ! :) **_

**The past comes back to haunt**

_Chapter 1:_

_**Rpov**_

I'm so stupid! God, how could I be so stupid? Of course they would come. I mean, I wasn't the only one that lost friends. I felt like banging my head on a wall repeatedly for my idiocy. I was thinking about myself… I was being selfish.

I haven't seen them in over a year – one and three-quarters to be precise. I didn't know whether I should be happy at being re-united with them or angry with the way they left things and to be honest, I have every right to be angry with them. But I musn't let that overpower me – I _won't _let that overpower me. I've learnt too much control to be overruled by such a petty thing.

I felt my temper cool down and my defence mechanisms rise up again almost immediately. I hated it when I lost control. Ever since I nearly lost my head after Viktor, I'd started building up defences so that I wouldn't be affected by Lissa's darkness again. I knew when she was feeling a sudden surge of emotions because it just fuelled my emotions – be it angry, sad, happy, or fear. For example, when I was once happy because I had just killed five strigoi (I know, weird thing to be happy about but I always feel a sense of…satisfaction when I see them dead – one strigoi dead, one less innocent person getting killed. Which is why I had that as a side job) and then I felt Lissa's surge of emotions and I started giggling and laughing bringing attention to myself in a deserted alley. What would passersby think when they see a woman crying of happiness with dead bodies scattered around my feet? That's why, ever since I left Lissa, I had built a mental brick wall around my thoughts so her thoughts couldn't affect me. I never go into her head or try to feel her emotions – I had completely detached my life from hers. We hadn't talked in nearly two years, what was the point in still checking up on her? We were two separate people with different lives now and we didn't _need_ to associate with each other. I'm a new Rose, a different Rose. I've changed a lot over the years I've been away. I bet they won't even recognise me.

That is of course if they remember me, I thought bitterly. I bet they don't even know I'm here at St. Vladimir's. Hopefully not because I can't handle all the memories and the friends coming back, reminding me what I left. I've built my own life now, with new friends and a loving family. I'd patched myself up after the gaping wound they left.

The only thing that is remotely similar to my past self is my appearance. I have high cheek bones that have become more defined over time, my long, brown hair which once was half way down my back is now reaching my waist, my eyes were the same deep brown shade as they were because I hated contacts – they were so irritating and annoying, especially if I didn't need them for anything but to change my eye colour and I was still the average height of 5 ft 4", which was small for a guardian but I had learnt to use my height as an advantage during fights with the undead and possibly…sometimes with the living.

I'd been pondering these thoughts for a while now in my room, pacing up and down like a mad woman. They just kept circling my mind and questions kept springing up into my head – questions that terrified me. "What if I still love him?" "What if they ask me to come back?" "What if he confronts me?" 'What if' questions again and again and all of them revolving around the one person I hated the most, the one person I couldn't bare to think about.

I passed my hand through my hair in frustration. It's become a habit of mine whenever I get angry or confused or just stressed out with everything happening in life. Whenever I was just getting comfortable with everything, something – or someone – always _has_ to come and ruin it. It's like me and happiness are just not meant to be. I mean, why does it always happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I've helped people, saved them again and again but I'm always hurt over and over. What the hell is wrong with my life?

Three consecutive knocks broke through my soon-to-be (if not already) manic thoughts in my head. Good, I thought, a distraction is just what I need. I strode towards the door and after a few seconds, I opened it to find Alberta standing there clad in standard guardian black uniform with a poker face. She stood there looking as scary as ever and even though I have known the woman all of my life, I still cringed a little every time I saw her. I mean, the woman is too scary for her own good!

"Hey Alberta. Come on in." I said, stepping aside and allowing her in to my humble abode. She hesitated for one moment, uncertainty written in her body language as well as her face but only for a moment. A second later, she walked in confidently like she didn't have a care in the word. She stopped abruptly a few metres from the door and turned around to face me. This time, her guardian mask was off and only concern was on her face – concern and resignation.

"Really, Rose?" I looked at her in confusion. I had no idea what she was talking about. I gave a quick glance around my room. Nope, nothing out of the ordinary here. I turned back to her with curiosity written on my face. "I thought you would've added _some_ personality to these walls. It looks so bare and…and lifeless. Why don't you add a splash of paint or a few photos. You've been her for seven months now. Don't you think you should relax, loosen up a little, let your guard down once in a while?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. Admittedly, my room looked like it hadn't been lived in. It was empty, no personality, no colour, no photos, no books, no CDs – nothing. Nothing to imply that I lived here. I've got comfortable before and it's always ended more painful than it already was. The only reason that I won't personalise it is that it's easier to move on – both in the literal sense and the metaphorical sense. If you have to leave with a moments notice, not only is it easier to get yourself packed but also less painful. Not that I would admit that to anyone. The famous Rose Mazur has an emotional side? No way!

"Last time I 'loosened up' or 'let my guard down', there was a strigoi attack on the academy. I'm sorry but I'd rather have my room blank that get anyone else killed." Low blow, I know, especially when Alberta has been like a mother time to me ever since being back at the academy as my mother was living on the other side of the world. It's nice to have a surrogate mother to look after you. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

I immediately regretted what I said as soon as it left my mouth. Her eyes looked pained and far off, as if she wasn't really here in my room any more. I knew what she was remembering – in that attack when I was still a student at the academy, many teachers and pupils alike died – to her, it was like loosing brothers, sisters and her children. It pained her remembering everyone that died during that attack. I know she blamed herself for it. She believes it's her fault that the wards weren't strong enough or how she could not have spotted what the _mana_ group were doing.

"You're right." She said, her voice pained. She closed her eyes trying to dispel the awful memories that came back to her. When her eyes opened, there was absolutely no emotion on her face – or the 'guardian mask' as I liked to call it. But underneath that mask, I could still visibly see the pain her eyes as she recalled all her memories. "I assume you have heard of the Queen's arrival to the memorial that will be taking place in a few days. I was wondering if you would still like to attend and say a few words?"

The memorial – the big event that every guardian and moroi (be it royal or not) were attending if they were involved in the battle or had any loved ones they lost in the fight or even if they were related to the person who fought – so therefore nearly everyone in the moroi-dhampir will be attending. The Queen will be attending and saying a few words expressing her delight in seeing the number of guests attending and expressing her sorrow for those who have passed _blah blah blah_. It's just another typical speech which the royals recite and have committed to memory and with not an ounce of singularity or anything to set them apart from the others.

Me, being the idiot that I am, _volunteered_ to speak, say a few words of those who passed away in the battle. I was going to prepare it, with a few jokes here and there, let the students know that a ceremony does not always have to be boring and sleep worthy, which I did during the many ceremonies that took place when I was a student here. But now, I don't think I could do it and it _so_ did not help with my 'keep off the radar' profile. I had decided that the best way to avoid any conversation with them is to avoid them altogether. Try not to bring attention to myself or let anyone know that I'm here.

"I'm sorry Alberta but I don't think I can say something not at such a big event with all the…_guests_ that will be coming but I will definitely be there. I'll stand with the other guardians at the perimeter of the church – guarding. Nothing more."

Alberta stared at me for a while as if searching for something on my face. I had mastered the 'guardian mask' so perfectly; no one could ever tell what emotions were going through me. They tried to read me but no one ever had great success, only few could read my face even with it on and one of those people were Alberta.

"I understand how hard this must be for you Guardian Mazur. You do not have to speak but I am thankful that you are attending at least. If that is all, I will see you tomorrow at the memorial."

I gave a curt nod of my head, not trusting myself to speak – if I opened my mouth, I would almost definitely go back on speaking at the memorial. I know how boring it gets for the students so I was going to try to liven up a bit.

Alberta nodded in return and stood abruptly to leave. At the door, she paused, turning around to look at me. She stared at me for a while until she said something that confused me to no end.

"You have to face your past sometimes Rose, or else you'll get lost in the future."

With that, she turned around and walked out of the door, banging it in the process.

I froze in shock where I was standing in the middle of the room and only six words ran through my mind.

_What the hell did that mean?_

_**Lpov**_

We boarded the plan that was waiting for us outside the court. We had to go during human time so we could land there by dark but it was also a security precaution – no strigoi can come out during daytime. 'We' meaning Dimitri, Christian and I as well as my seven guardians.

As we boarded the plane, I couldn't help the feelings that coursed through me. I was going home. Even though I had lived at the court for the past two years and had a beautiful house with anything a girl would want, I had lived at the Academy for _sixteen_ years (excluding the years I was on the run). That place had some memories, good and bad. It was where I first met Christian – inside _our_ church attic – the love of my life. As these thoughts ran through my mind, I turned to him and saw a slight smile on his, and I knew. I knew he was thinking the same that I was – that's what I loved about Christian. We understood each other, as if we could read each other's mind. So many memories just from that plane alone – the church attic, our first kiss, the first time we were open about our relationship and Rose with us every step of the way. Rose. I gave a deep sigh and lay my head back on the seat just as the plane was taking off. My best friend…gone. I had no idea where she was or how she was doing. I had _abandoned_ my best friend, someone who had died for me again and again.

I had searched for her but with no luck. It's like she's disappeared off the face of the earth. We had asked everyone and searched everywhere but we were left disappointed. So many memories with Rose. The first time we met when she threw the book at our teacher and called her a fascist bitch, the times when we snuck out after curfew, the times when we went to every social event and party there ever was…the times when she protected me like her life depended on it, the times she saved me from myself and complete humiliation, the times when she let herself become the third wheel when Christian and I were caught up in our own world. But never once did she complain. In fact, she encouraged it for reasons beyond my understanding. She specifically told me to be happy but never cared about what she felt. She could have been in pain, could have been hurt, could have been heartbroken or angry but she never told me. And every time that I said I wanted to protect her, she came back with the same phrase and promise that she was trained to give from the moment she learnt she said her first words: _"They come first. I'm your guardian, Liss. _You_ come first."_

Subconsciously, tears fell from my eyes staining my perfectly made face, make-up smearing everywhere making me look like the living dead. I gave a dry laugh. How ironic, I thought. Christian felt my silent sobs course through me and gently pulled me onto his lap. He knew how I felt – happy to come back to forgotten memories but distraught to not have my best friend with me. He's the one that understands me and always giving advice to what I should do and shouldn't, helping and supporting me through the years. He was my rock, my love, my savior.

But I knew someone who was going through worse. I turned my head, still resting on Christian's chest, to face Dimitri. He looked tense, his shoulders rigid with tension, the slight slumped way he sat, the tapping foot on the floor and the pain in his eyes as he recalled _his_ memories. Yeah, he had it much worse.

_**D pov**_

I am returning to St. Vladimir Academy for the first time in two years. So many forgotten memories came back to me but all containing one person in every single one. The only one that made me smile and my heart thump harder in my chest every time I saw her. The only one that could brighten up my day when it started off so wrong. Just one person and her name was Rose. My _Roza_. God I missed her!

Going back to the Academy was a bad decision on my part. I knew I couldn't help the distracted feelings that would come to me almost immediately when I entered the Academy again but my job was to protect my charge, Vasilisa Dragomir and _not_ to be distracted by such things. _They come first_. They _always_ come first, I thought with a resigned sigh and I turned my head just in time to meet my charge's eyes.

"Dimitri." She gave an exasperated sigh. "_It's not your fault._ It never was. We all contributed in some way to make her leave. I was her best friend for 18 years and I betrayed her. If someone should be blamed, it should be me. I was her best friend for the longest and it only took me a matter of seconds to turn against her. So _stop_ blaming yourself and _move on_! Just like everyone else." She finished and looked quite drained from all her yelling. I knew I should do as she says but I _can't_ forget her and believe me, I've tried. I just don't understand how everyone else can! They just took away such a vibrant person, who never goes without leaving her mark, and forgot about her! I just can't understand it. I thought with a resigned sigh as the plane intercom announced that the plane was landing.

_**Lpov**_

I hadn't seen the academy in two years but it was just how I remembered it. High turrets that made it look a castle but the eerie silence that surrounds it during the day makes it seem like a prison…I missed this place so much!

Once I entered the gates, I was immediately escorted to my room along with Christian and Dimitri. I walked down the familiar, silent corridors that I had grown used to for over sixteen years. I knew every secret passage that Rose so very kindly showed me to sneak out of my rooms (mostly to see Christian). I don't know how many of the students knew about them because I think Rose was the first one to discover them, I thought with a smile.

When I entered my room, I peered around to find a beautiful king-sized bed in the centre of the room and an enormous walk in wardrobe lining the room. I sighed in content. This is every girl's dream. I dismissed the guardian that had led us here with an impatient wave of my hand. I walked around in awe, looking at everything around me – it was gorgeous! Just to think that I would be living in this room for the best of two weeks.

I turned to Christian and Dimitri with a look of happiness on my face. Chrisitian gave me a lopsided grin in reply which made my heart flutter but Dimitri was not even paying attention. He stood by the window looking down at the grounds of the Academy. I knew it pained him to be here because of all the memories he had with Rose. Although I had many memories with Rose in my eighteen years I had known her, I am certain that Dimitri had _so_ many more. Rose was my sister but to Dimitri, Rose was his soulmate. Without her, he's been lost. I never knew Rose could have such a huge impact on Dimitri's life but then I realised he relied on her – a constant in his life. _She_ was his rock. He had so many memories which were so intimate and filled with love – how could he _not_ be heartbroken? After he returned from being a Strigoi, he looked at me in awe, as his saviour. What he didn't realise was that he relied on Rose just as much, if not more. He tried pushing her away a number of times but she came back every time, never seeming to be fazed by his tries to remove her.

And although the many times he told her he didn't love her, he did. I could tell by his body language and the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking. It was filled with so much passion, love and regret. If he saw her now, I am pretty sure that he would have the same look on his face.

I turned away from Dimitri to give him a moment of privacy. My eyes wandered around the room again to find a beautiful floor length black dress, which would hug my petite body in all the right places. It was perfect to wear to the memorial! It was extravagant for a queen but modest enough to be worn at a funeral.

I checked my watch. I had exactly four hours to get changed, do my hair and have my make-up done – I needed to get to it then!

_**Dpov**_

I looked over the expanse of land that surrounded the Academy. I thought I had memories but not this many! Every moment with Rose passed through my mind again and again so fast they were blurring together. The time I first brought her back to the Academy, the time when things got heated in the gym, the time when it was field experience and she pinned me down, the church which had so many memories itself – the place where I had to pull her away from so many fights with Mia, when _Roza_ came to me with her ideas about ghosts and so many more! The gym where every stolen kiss took place and the sexual tension rising every minute but one place held the most memories – our cabin.

It wasn't Tasha's cabin to us, it was ours and to me, will forever remain so. The one time where we gave in to our feelings and let pure animal passion take over. The night of entire bliss. That was one of my cherished memories and I know it will stay in my mind forever.

"Your Majesty? Are you feeling alright?" I asked. We were stood in front of the church doors knowing that when the Queen would enter and walk through the many hundred pews, all eyes would turn to her and silence will fall. She'd been wringing her hands together again and again but I just couldn't seem to snap her out of her daze. She has been to countless events just like this but she had never been like this. She was always calm and in control and – admittedly – a little bored. But now she was nervous and fear was written clearly across her face.

"Me? Don't worry about me Dimitri. I mean I know that it's your job to protect me but don't worry. I'm fine – I'm safe." I stared into her eyes trying to figure out if she was lying or not. Vasilisa knew what I was doing and sighed, dropping her hand to look down at the stone rocks outside the church. "I just…it's just that all my friends and teachers are going to be here aren't they? They were like a family to me and I haven't stayed in contact for two years – ever since I had left the Academy! I remember sitting in one of those pews and listening to the Queen make her speech so many times before. But now _I'm_ Queen and _I'll_ be the one standing at the front of the church being watched and hears! I'm just nervous!"

She was now shaking and I could see goose bumps on her arms. Right now, I wished I could be anywhere but here. Christian was inside where he was expected to be at the front pew waiting for his queen and only her guardians were 'allowed' to remain outside with her for protection. Nevertheless, I gently lifted her chin with my hand and looked into her eyes – so different from Rose, yet so similar in how those eyes had seen much more than a normal twenty year old.

"I've known you ever since you have returned to the Academy your Majesty and I know you will work past this brief relapse. Would you like to know why? Because I have seen you do it countless times before and this one is not any different. I know you'll do perfectly…as always."

I hastily removed my hand from under her chin just in time because the grand doors of the church opened to reveal hundreds of students, relatives and fighters who were in the battle. This is the biggest crowd I have ever seen.

Yes, I thought, I would be scared too.

_**So, what do you think? This is my first story so please review! All criticisms (or compliments) will be kindly accepted! :)**_

_**Thanks for taking time to read this story! It means a lot!**_

_**Lots of Love**_

_**Amberino xoxo**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I am soooooooooo sorry! You have no idea how unbelievably sorry I am! Thank you so much for all the reviews and story alerts and adding my story to your favourites! I feel so privileged! I love you guys! I've just been caught up with the stress of exams and then the holidays came and I was like 'yeah, I'll have a lot more writing time' and then my mum fell ill and I had to a lot for my brother and sister and help around the house. And then someone in the family died so I had to help with that and then I had to catch up with the answers I had missed at work so I could earn some money. And now, I'm getting spots! I mean it's nothing to complain about seriously? Now? Why NOW? Spots don't really run in the family so me being the hormonal teenager I am is trying every treatment to man to get rid of them. But enough of my problems on with the reading! I know it's a little short but it's the best I could come up with! It's kind of a filler chapter so it's not too good! One more thing: I really like to describe things in my story so most of this is all going on in Rose's head. She isn't speaking too much. I kind of do that a lot. Focus on the description before the speech. I know it's the other way around for some people but I really believe that we have to create a setting for the reader to imagine where they are. Sorry if there's too much description.**_

_**Discaimer: I do not own the Vampire Academy series characters, Richelle Mead owns them. I only own the story I have based around these characters and the characters that I have added in. Thank you.**_

_Chapter 2:_

_**Rpov**_

They had arrived three hours ago and didn't even look around! Not a glance, not an eye swooping over the surroundings. Nothing. They got off the plane and walked straight towards their room – walking past all the memories hidden here. They looked so cold and heartless. They had nothing left that reminded of the best friend I left behind or the soul mate that left me. Yes, I thought, they have definitely forgotten about me…I think.

Everyone was now gathered in the church – every pupil, every relative, every guardian, everyone. Everyone but the queen. Anyone could tell how impatient the students were getting. She should have been here by now. Where was she? Oh god. I hope she hasn't turned into one of those queens who keeps everyone waiting. If that's true, then she really _has_ changed. The students were getting louder and louder as each minute passed. They have been waiting for three quarters of an hour now.

Just then, the magnificent doors of the church opened to reveal the Queen herself. She walked down the middle of the pews smiling at all the guests who had turned up, making eye contact with everyone – not the guardians though. Apparently, we were a nobody that were too low to even be acknowledged. She had turned into a stereotypical royal – the ones that I hated. Unconsciously, as soon as the queen walked in, all of the guardians straightened up from their slight slouching positions. Including me. We were 'seeing but not seeing' the whole time, taking in our surroundings, any dangers that could be present, anything whatsoever to protect all who were in the church. We were safe in the church from strigoi, the wards acting as reinforcement, but who is there to say there won't be any dangers from the living? We were alert the whole time.

The students were also silent – not a whisper could be heard or a shuffling of feet on the floor as every child and adult alike bowed respectfully. However, guardians could not bow because then they would not be paying attention to their surroundings. So instead, all of the guardians bowed their head slightly. I did not. She does not deserve the respect or the honour that everyone is showing them. She does not deserve anything.

Finally, she reached the front of the church and turned around slowly to face all who were attending. She stood there gazing at them for a few seconds. She relished in the power that she had over everyone and if she had it her way, she would have gazed at them for hours on end. On the outside she looked like an innocent girl who wanted nothing more than equality. On the inside? She was a power-hungry royal who loved the attention. At last she said "You may be seated" and she also took her seat on the front pew where Christian sat by her side with their guardians sitting around them in a protective circle.

She looked stunning. She wore a silky black dress which reached the middle of her calf. There was a delicate beaded pattern down one side of her dress which were almost imperceptible at first glance. Her hair contrasting starkly with her dress which was a pale blonde colour and delicately put into a side pony tail. Her shoes were beautiful. They were plain black in colour with a stiletto heel but again, there was an intricate design going round the cuff of the shoe. All in all, she looked like a queen.

I tried so hard not to look at the male guardian by her side but no matter how many times I told myself not to look, my eyes uncontrollably turned to _his_ way. To find my breath nearly knocked out of me.

He hadn't changed much since I last saw him. His hair was still the chocolate brown colour it used to be and the length was a little longer but not by much. He had the same intense focus he always had, but it was something more. It seemed as his gaze swept over the enormous church his eyes showed sadness and regret. However to anyone else, it would have been seen as a normal guardian's gaze but I could see differently – that was just one of the reasons I fell in love with him. It seemed as if his eyes could see into your soul, just by looking at you. His eyes were so deep, as if they were black holes, which you could get lost in and never escape.

I felt a nudge on my left arm. I tensed, ready to hit anyone who dared to touch me. I sent a sharp look to the guardian next to me. Guardian Adams, I think. He had just recently joined the ranks at the academy so he was still new to us. Of course, we were new to him as well. He seemed like an alright kid, with shaggy blonde hair and brown eyes. Any other girl would have thought he was quite handsome but to me, he would always be the blonde new kid. It took me a while to trust someone when I haven't seen them before. I made sure that I trusted those who were my friends with my life, people who would die for me like I would for them. I already made that mistake. Sure, if a strigoi was going to kill him I would throw myself in front of him to protect him but that still does not mean I am his _friend_. But from his slight nudge, I realised that my concentration had slipped and I was not doing the job I was supposed to. He nudged me to bring back my focus and for that, I was grateful since he brought my attention back to guarding. I made eye contact with him and nodded as a thank you before returning to sweep my gaze over my surroundings. But just because I was looking at my surroundings does not mean I was _seeing_ them. Sure, if danger occurred I would know and jump into action but there is no danger so my mind was left to ponder over the words _he_ said to me before everything went spiralling out of control. Yes, before those four words it was chaos but it was manageable chaos. I had hope and something to keep me going. After those four words, I had no hope or drive to do anything. There was nothing left of me or for me.

How could four little words hurt me so badly? I mean they are just words right? Meaningless words in the dictionary yet arranged like that, was devastating coming from the lips of the perfect man standing in front of me. I loved him so much and this is the way he repaid me? I went halfway round the world scouring every city and village to find and kill the man I loved and _this_ is how he repaid me? He did not think of me as his saviour, he thought Queen Vasilisa was but all she did was put a spirit-infused stake through his heart. _I_ was the one who did everything before that, _I _was the one who searched and researched anything to help Dimitri to return back to a human. But all he cared about was the person who physically brought him back, not her accomplices or friends, just _her_. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Once everyone was seated, Alberta straightened up from her position by the wall and proceeded to the slightly raised platform, which was put there for occasions just like these. Before she started, she looked around to all of the guests who were seated in the church. There church was packed, not a single seat was left vacant for anyone. I knew that Alberta was pleased with this turnout because she could then see that each and every life lost had a loving family behind them supporting them. They were not lives lost in vain and they would never be left unnoticed because their families would make sure that the family member lost would live on forever through the memories.

"Thank you all for coming today. This means a lot to me…this means a lot to all of us. You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you – old faces of friends and colleagues, faces of those who I have taught or guarded and perhaps not so old faces and maybe faces I have not seen or encountered but hope to know them soon and maybe as a student at this academy.

'You have all been invited today to remember those who fell in the battle of St Vladimir's. Later on, we will be putting a stone plaque in the grounds where all the names of the people who have died in the battle will be placed. But now, I would like to invite a young girl to the stage who I had once known when she attended this school. Please may I invite Queen Vasilisa Dragomir to the stage."

With that, Alberta gave a small bow to the queen, turned around abruptly and walked to the side of the church where all the guardians were situated. No one would have known that there was a fault in her speech, except for me. I noticed the use of past tense of 'had' – 'had once known'. This may seem like a trivial thing, which no one would have noticed but to me, it was huge.

The queen after a hesitant pause stood up from her seat and proceeded to the front of the church. Once there, she again swept her gaze over everyone there before settling on making eye contact with her classmates and friends.

"It has been a long time since I have been here at St. Vladimir's. Two years to be exact without knowing how many memories I was leaving behind. This battle was a change for all of us who witnessed it and lost loved ones, be it friends, family or even someone you walked past when you were on way to calculus or animal behaviour. Each person will think 'no one what I'm going through' or 'you don't understand', and the truth is, no one does. Each person grieves in different ways and it also depends on how close you are to that person. But I know with absolute certainty that everyone has at least had one person they know die.

'Personally, I think dying in battle is the best way to die – dying for the ones you love, for the ones you hate, for the ones you would protect even if it means putting your own life at risk. These people who died were brave, courageous and loyal. And I know for a fact that they will never be forgotten. Not by me, not by you, not by anybody because their lives will live on through our memories. And once again reiterating what Guardian Petrov has said, thank you for coming. This means so much to me."

She straightened up and walked towards her seat in the front row with a clatter of applause following her. When she sat down, she grasped Christian's hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze while smiling at him. Christian bent down to whisper something in her ear that made her smile bigger and causing a faint pink to delicately stain on her cheeks. Although we still had the bond, I did not want to intrude into their private conversation like I have not wanted to intrude for the past two years. She has her thoughts and I have mine, we were two separate people now.

The next few 'deeply saddened' Royal Moroi offered their condolences and 'heartfelt' remorse for the lost people in battle. I just tuned them out until it became a faint buzz at the back of my mind. All of the speeches sounded the same but with a different word here and there – the expressions on their face, the tone of their voice, the gestures made with their hands were all the same. But the up side of this is that it gave me time to ponder my whirlwind of thoughts.

Lissa's speech kept replaying in my head again and again. Well that was certainly different from the others, I thought. I'd never heard a speech like it before. It was…unique to say the least. No one would have noticed that it was different since they had nothing to compare it to but I knew different and I am certain that that anyone who knew her during their time at St Vladimir's knew different. They knew, as well as I did, that is was not the truth. This was a completely different Lissa…Queen Vasilisa Dragomir was taking charge of this role perfectly. The Lissa I knew and loved was not there. I'm not even sure if 'Lissa' still existed.

I could sense authority and a power hungry beast wanting to be fed. This was not by best friend. This is the reason I left in the first place. The thing that really irked me was that it wasn't darkness that fueled it – it was her. The moment I left her side, I automatically took the darkness away from her but nothing happened. She was drowned to deep in the expensive clothing's and the designer shoes and the royal ball. This was _not_ my best friend. My best friend, my _sister_ had left long ago.

A few moments later, I got sucked into her head to find out that what she said _then _was real. _She_ said those things and she did not regret it. My best friend turned against me in a matter of seconds. This was why I did not regret leaving her side. She was selfish, just like the other moroi, I was just too dumb to see it but not anymore. I was different. I was as naïve as I used to be. Just like the other royal moroi, the world had to revolve around her and as queen, it did. And boy did she love it! She had the power she always craved – she didn't need me anymore.

The service ended and I gave a sigh of relief. I wasn't called, my name wasn't mentioned once and I kept off the radar. The plan was running superbly. Now all I have to do is slip out without anyone noticing. That's it, just a little further to the side door and then I could escape to the freedom that awaits me. Nearly the-

"I'm sorry, but Guardian Petrov? You said that Guardian Mazur would say a few words at the service. The service can't end without her saying a few words."

"Yeah, she told us herself."

"I did hear that she was saying something. That's the only reason my son wanted to come, didn't you darling? He knows how boring these events are and he doesn't even know anyone who died. He's only three. He's too young to understand what a service is."

I froze while many explicits in many different languages were running through my head. Oh crap. What is happening? It was all going fine up to this point! I spoke too soon. I glanced around the church. All of the guardians around me were staring at me, urging me with their eyes to go up. But I can't! If I do, Lissa will see me and all my plans of remaining invisible while they were here were thrown out of the window. If I do, not only will Lissa see me, _he_ will see me as well. What the _hell _am I going to do?

Guradian Petrov's voice cut through my insane chatter with myself. If that had gone on for much longer, I think I would have been diagnosed as clinically insane!

"Guardian Mazur is unable to speak at this service. She has prior commitments. Now if you would all like to proceed through the back doors of the church, we will proceed with placing the plaque on the school grounds."

As soon as she said the words 'unable to attend', I could see many of the faces fall, dejected. Oh God. Please no, please, please, please don't make me feel guilty or else I'll do something stupid. Oh God! Don't look at me like that! If there is someone out there as some form of higher being, please put their faces back to the way they were! No please no! Please don't make me do this!

"It's alright Guardian Petrov. I'd like to say a few words."

I can't believe I'm doing this. I put one step in front of the other striding confidently towards the front of the church. With every step I took, the voices in my head started arguing with her. One telling me what I _wanted_ to do and the other telling me what I _should _do. 'What the hell have you done?' 'Are you stupid?' 'You're trying to keep yourself _off_ the radar, not be the main spectacle!' 'I can't believe you're doing this.' 'Just turn around. That's all you have to do. _Turn around._' 'What have you gotten yourself into?' 'Oh I give up!'

I could feel Lissa's emotions seeping through my impenetrable wall. She was elated I was here but confused at why I'd come back to this place. She was also angry that I caused her so much pain and suffering. _She_ was talking about _pain_ and _suffering_? The best friend I had begun to see in a different light vanished. _Damn,_ she really _is _a self-centred cow. I didn't turn my head towards her or even acknowledge she was there. Instead, I turned my head towards the thousands of people waiting for me to talk with expectant but eager faces.

_Oh shit!_

_**I know, awful and short right? Not the best piece of writing.**_

_**Please review and give me any feedback. I really enjoy reading your reviews! It's fun to find some people enjoying your work as much as you guys do! Thanks for everything guys!**_

_**Amberino xoxo :)(:**_


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